Let's play a game

"Funktheduck" (funktheduck) 01/08/2016 at 11:13 • Filed to: Lottery dreams

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I’ve done something similar before and it was fun. I’ve been in a crummy mood for a while so this should help.

The powerball lottery is at $700 million for Saturday’s drawing. Let’s pretend you’re the sole winner of the jackpot and there are no taxes on one condition: you have to buy each of your family members their perfect car and maintain it for as long as they own it. This means parents, siblings, SO’s (their parents too if you’re feeling generous), aunts, uncles, 1st cousins (by blood), and grandparents.

What would you buy them?

*edit* for those of you with huge families you can stick with grandparents, parents, siblings, and SO

Shane MacGowan's Teeth > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:19

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Aunts, uncles, first cousins? You must have a small family, this is like 30 vehicles for me.

BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest. > Shane MacGowan's Teeth 01/08/2016 at 11:22

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For me it’s like 70+. I’m really not sure anymore.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:22

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Something discreet, slightly bland, and very useful. EVERYBODY GETS AN EX-FLEET RANGER. Well, I mean, it’s their perfect car from my perspective.

TheHondaBro > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:24

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I have too many family members. One sibling, two parents, four aunts, five uncles, countless cousins, and two grandparents. I’ll buy each of them beater Camrys.

Funktheduck > Shane MacGowan's Teeth 01/08/2016 at 11:24

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I do. Off the top of my head I think I have 6 first cousins. I may have more that I don't remember. Several family members didn't have kids or only had 1. A few had untimely deaths as well.

Funktheduck > TheHondaBro 01/08/2016 at 11:25

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I wouldn't fault anyone for not bothering with cousins or even aunts and uncles if there were a bunch. I have a small family so it wouldn't be as difficult for me

Where have all the lightweights gone? > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:26

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I know what I would do with it for myself, at least.

TheHondaBro > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:26

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Okay then I’ll stick with my immediate family. My dad gets an NSX, my mom gets a Corvette, and my sister gets the Nissan Rouge they’ve been looking at. I then use the rest to invest in Amazon and call it a day.

Mercedes Streeter > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:26

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Oh this is so EASY :D

- Mum: Nissan QX56 (her dream car)

- Dad: Chrysler PT Cruiser (his dream car, that he already owns)

- Brother: Honda Civic (he loves Hondas, works for Toyota)

- Grandparents: Town Car with a driver (they’re at the age and condition where they should not be driving)

- Cousin: Kia K900 (don’t know him well, but he seems to like Hyundai/Kia)

- Miss Tesla: Tesla Model S P90D (she loves the D)

Chariotoflove > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:27

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Used Chevettes for everyone. Because now that I'm rich, I don't need Christmas presents anymore, and I can afford bodyguards 24-7.

Tom McParland > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:27

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This sounds fun and I have thought about it for a bit

Wife gets a new converted rampvan and a new S-class 550 coupe (she has already spec’d this out for fun)

MIL - Loaded Toyota Highlander...she hasn’t had a car in awhile due to finances and would not want to drive something fancy. I would get her husband a new Tundra (he loves his current Tundra, so I figure get him an upgrade)

FIL - Brand new Infiniti of his choice. He awlays talks about how he misses his old i30.

My dad get’s a new M3. I know he would love one and he has the money to get it, but just can’t justify the cost.

Chariotoflove > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:29

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Redacted.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:30

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My dad gets a Model s P85d

My mom gets a 911

My grandfather gets a Model X

My grandmother (both of them) don’t drive

Fuck my cousins and uncles as they don’t like me.

Girlfriend gets a black Range Rover

Funktheduck > Tom McParland 01/08/2016 at 11:33

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I come from a car family so it's something I think about whenever the jackpot gets big.

JR1 > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:33

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Mom: Brand new Navigator all the bells and whistles.

Dad: Brand new Ford F-150 King Ranch

Sister: Brand new Lincoln MKX

GF: Brand new Jeep Rubicon

Grandpa: 1962 Fuel injected Vette

Grandpa: Brand new Buick Cascade

Oppo Family: A traveling 2016 Ford Mustang GT. Like the sisterhood of the traveling pants only with a car and a lot better.

Funktheduck > Chariotoflove 01/08/2016 at 11:34

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Not cool

Tom McParland > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:34

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And as for me...if I hit the big time I’m calling Singer the next day. :D

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:35

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I’d buy my dad a 101 Forward Control.

I’d buy my mom a Range Rover Vogue Diesel.

I’d buy my sister an E-Class Mercedies.

I’d buy my other sister a Range Rover Vogue Diesel.

I’d buy my Cousin an Aston.

I’d buy his wife a M5.

I’d then buy a 10000 sqft garage and fill it with cars that both my wife and I want and she can choose what to drive depending on her mood.

The rest of my family can just go pound sand.

Funktheduck > Mercedes Streeter 01/08/2016 at 11:36

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I was gonna say the same for my grandparents. My stepdad’s dad really shouldn't drive in my opinion. My grandmother rarely drives anymore anyway.

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:38

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Everyone gets a base nissan versa with factory warranty so i don’t have to maintain shit...and another nissan versa once the warranty runs out on the previous one...rinse and repeat. i’ve got like 50 people to buy things for if you’re including aunts uncles and cousins

Chariotoflove > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:38

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I apologize. I did not wish to offend. I assumed that by the off hand way you said it that it wasn't a sore spot. That was a poor assumption. I redacted the post.

Funktheduck > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 01/08/2016 at 11:38

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So you want to spend a lot on maintaining cars?

Party-vi > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:39

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Aight.

Wife - Purple Dodge Challenger SRT8 (her favorite car)

Dad - Grand Cherokee SRT8 probably, because V8 Jeep

Mom - Audi R8 V10

Sister - Mercedes ML350 4MATIC

BIL #1 - Mercedes E400

BIL #2 - Shelby Mustang GT350

Dad in Law - F150 Raptor

Mother in Law - SL550

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s 01/08/2016 at 11:40

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I may actually get something my parents and maybe my sibiling would like though...everyone else gets a nissan versa

Xyl0c41n3 > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:42

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*edit* for those of you with huge families you can stick with grandparents, parents, siblings, and SO

If my dad were playing this game, and stuck to those parameters, and didn’t include his own children, he’d still have to buy 22 cars, including his own.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:46

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Run to a non-shitty country with no extradition, and enjoy my $700 million dollars.

. . > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:46

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Mum: Either a C400 Coupe 4matic or a top non-AMG GLC

Dad: New E63 AMG 4matic estate once that comes out. And possibly a G63/65

Brother: He’s getting his licence next month so I’d probably go for an SLK 200. Small, cool, manual, RWD and just about the right amount of power.

Grandparents: I’d give them a choice of either a Forester or Outback. I think they’d both go for Foresters though.

1st cousin: She loves her old Octavia 4x4 so it’d have to be something similarish. I’m thinking Seat Leon X-PERIENCE.

Uncles and aunts: My dad’s brother has a new Hyundai ix35 which he considers to be the best car ever, so he doesn’t need another car; My mum’s brother has kids aged 4 and 6 so I’m thinking Avensis Estate with the 2 litre diesel. For his wife I’d get an Aygo.

Xyl0c41n3 > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:47

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Just doing a preliminary count using your original criteria, and my list is already 67 cars long. And that’s because I know I’m missing people, but I can’t figure out who I’m forgetting.

Xyl0c41n3 > BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest. 01/08/2016 at 11:47

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Same here.

Desu-San-Desu > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:48

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What if the only family I actually know are my dad and my estranged sister who doesn’t speak to me due to my political views?

Vítor > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:49

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I only have 2 grand parentes that can drive, mother and father, and 8 cousins that can legally drive, and and 11 uncles/aunts.

For my grandpa a Dodge Ram 2500 (he is a farmer)

For my grandma a the new Volvo V90 T8 (she loves wagons)

For my mother a Volvo XC90 T8 (she used to love and drives a wagon, but she prefers high-seating cars now)

For my father a Volvo S90 T8 (he likes sedans and sedans only, and seemed to like the XC90)

I don’t have any siblings or a SO at the time, and with 1st 12 cousins (which 10 can legally drive) and 11 uncles/aunts, with a total of 28 family members, i think that counts as a huge family.

But I was quite generous. I upgraded my grandma V60 into a V90, my grandpa Ranger into a RAM 2500, my mother Peugeot 2008 THP into a XC90 and my dad Toyota Corolla into a S90 T8

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:53

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Why not, it’s not like you can take the money with you when you kick it. Besides eventually all those vehicles will be worth more than what I paid for them. Have you seen the prices for Range Rover Classics in good condition? They’re on the upswing now.

Slant6 > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:54

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Dad: he currently drives a company car 2016 XC90. If he didn’t have that setup I’d buy him a loaded T8 (400hp hybrid one).

Mom: she said she likes Mercedes but I’d have to maintain it and I think she just likes the idea of a Mercedes. She likes the XC60. I’ll get her one in Black.

Brother: the last Evo. He loves the Evo in Gran Turismo 5. He calls the car “Lancy”. A real life Lancy would be good for him. A dream come true.

Sister: she’s a high school ballerina. No interest in cars. BMW 320i.

Grandparents mothers side: they currently drive a hybrid Camry and a 95' 525i. They use the Camry as a car for the long road trip back and forth between Raleigh and Quebec. I’d replace it with a T8 XC90. Good highway mpg and awd. And it’s nice. My grandmother drives the BMW for errands. I wouldn’t replace it, I’d have it restored to perfect condition.

Grandparents father’s side- grandpa and step grandmother: he owns a ton of cars already. Only new car he likes is the Forester so I’d get him one in a manual so he can tow it behind his RV. I’d get my step grandmother a new Passau TDI to replace her 06.

Grandmother father’s side: she swears by her town and country. I’d get her a very striped down Odessey. She keeps her car an absolute mess and the cheaper materials would help me when I have to sanitize it for her.

Mother’s sister: she’s a gym teacher. Upstate NY. Hmmmmm maybe a nice Acura to upgrade from her Accord.

Mother’s sister’s husband: he has a wrangler unlimited and a f250 fx4. Ram Rebel?

Cousins mother’s side: older girl cousin might like a CRv. Younger boy cousin new Tacoma 4x4 SR5.

Dad’s sister: Q5. Just bought a new one. She loves it.

Dad’s sister’s husband: JCW Clubman. Faster than his current clubman.

Cousins dad’s side: Focus RS for the older one Golf R32 for the younger one.

I might have run out of money. Worth it.

Funktheduck > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:57

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For me

Mom: new Lexus RX. She loves her current one despite it being relatively old and interior falling apart

Stepdad: new Corvette. He’s partial to the Bow tie and likes low end grunt.

Dad: new navigator or fully loaded explorer. He wants his next car to be “plush” but hates GM products

Stepmom: new town and country. She loves her current one

Grandparents: hired towncar. They don’t need to be driving anymore.

SO: new CX-5? We both have 3s and she doesn’t want another car any time soon but does want to upsize when she does.

Uncle 1: new corvette. I was with him when he bought his Z06. He’d probably like another sports car now that he just has his raptor.

Aunt 1: something to compliment her FJ Cruiser so Lexus GS.

Cousin 1: new mazda3.

Uncle and aunt 2 both have wranglers so a charger hellcat and a 300

Cousin 2: new Mazda 3

Aunt 3, cousin 3a and 3b: CX-5s

Aunt 4: see grandparents

Cousin 4a: new explorer

Cousin 4b: handicap van

Sam > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 11:57

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Good thing you removed first cousins for people with large families. One of my first cousins is the highest paid player on the Utah Jazz. I don’t think I need to give him my lottery money.

Mom- The nicest Mercedes W123 300TD money could buy

Dad- The nicest NB Miata... in the world.

Brother- He’s getting a ton of money from “pain and suffering”, he can get his own car, but probably a 2009 WRX STi.

Best Friend- A really nice SAAB 9-3, yeah, that’s what he’d probably want

Myself- I’d buy the Holy Trinity, since everyone I know likes cheap cars and I’d have a ton of money left

Xyl0c41n3 > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 12:02

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Ok, I know I’m commenting a lot. But now, seeing other people’s lists, I kinda wanna jump in for real, too.

For my dad: I’d get him a late 1950s or early 1960s Impala. He had one when he was younger (I’m not sure what year, though) and he was in love with that car.

Mom: I’d get her an upgrade of what she already has now, because I know she likes it, so: a 2016 Ford Expedition. Maybe a tricked out King Ranch edition, because Texas, y’all! And the King Ranch is largest Spanish land-grant ranch that not only still exists, but is still in operation.

Sister: Audi Q7, because she’s enamored by Audi SUVs, and she likes nice things.

Brother: Ford F-150 Raptor. He’s got a little Canyon right now. He doesn’t do anything that remotely justifies having a serious off-road/desert capable truck, but Raptors are awesome and here in Texas, trucks are just part of the culture.

Grandparents: Sadly, no longer with us. My two grandmothers never drove, anyway. If both grandpas were alive, I’d get them some sort of land yachts, because I always remember them driving huge, awesome cars.

Me: If we’re including ourselves in this game, I’d get two cars. (Hey, I can change the rules however I want, right?): 1968 Mustang GT500, in blue, of course. And a 2016 Mustang GT, also in blue.

Funktheduck > Chariotoflove 01/08/2016 at 12:06

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It's all right. One of those things that will be a sore spot on my soul for the rest of my life. Nothing anyone can do about it. It's part of what makes me, me.

Funktheduck > Xyl0c41n3 01/08/2016 at 12:13

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I debated in my head for my dad. He really likes the raptor (I do too) but he’s said many times his next car he wants to be plush. King Ranch would be overkill but maybe not a bad idea.

PS. I'll likely be out in Texas in the next month or two.

Funktheduck > JR1 01/08/2016 at 12:16

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That would be the most worn out GT ever

Funktheduck > Party-vi 01/08/2016 at 12:18

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I would have to toss in the GT350R and Raptor for myself

Xyl0c41n3 > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 12:20

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Heh. I wouldn’t get something as extravagant as a King Ranch for myself, but if I suddenly had $700 million, tax free then hell yeah, I’d want to spoil my loved ones. My mom wouldn’t even know how to use half the technology features on it (satellite radio? Infotainment what?) but she’d still love it anyway.

Woot, woot! I’ll tell the guys to roll out the welcome mat for ya! Welcome to Texas! I hope you have fun while you’re here. I hope you load up on delicious barbecue. Don’t forget about Whataburger, and enjoy the fast highways. ^_^

Funktheduck > Desu-San-Desu 01/08/2016 at 12:22

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Then you don’t have to buy many cars?

Donate cars to charity?

Buy a family and buy them cars?

I've never understood writing someone off for differing political views. I can guarantee you that I am not related to or friends with anyone that agrees with me 100%.

Funktheduck > Vítor 01/08/2016 at 12:24

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I have a huge extended family but the ones I'm directly related to is pretty small. My strategy is to go with Mazda 3 or CX-5 for cousins. CUV for the ones with kids, hatchback for those without.

Funktheduck > Xyl0c41n3 01/08/2016 at 12:34

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My mom doesn't like a lot of tech stuff so any new car would be frustrating at first. Same for my dad. Not sure when luxury and technically complicated became entwined. But you do have me close to sold on the King Ranch, because Texas.

Desu-San-Desu > Funktheduck 01/08/2016 at 14:24

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My father gets three because he is the only actual family I’ve ever had for 90% of my life. My Fiancee also gets 3 because she has awesome taste in cars and puts up with my shit:

Dad:

Volkner Mobil Performance Bus, because my dad has always wanted to travel the country and have a mobile life, but he’s too sick to do so without adequate accommodations. $1,306,380.00.

1965 Austin-Healey Sprite MK3 with full modern restomod with a modern fuel-injected, responsive, low-displacement, free-revving naturally-aspirated engine, disc brakes, limited-slip differential, but a paddle-shift transmission due to his sciatica (he will grumble but begrudging accept the lack of a clutch pedal). Est. $80,000. Can fit in the under-chassis garage compartment of the Volkner with room to spare.

2016 Indian Scout Sixty motorcycle in all black with Bronze Style Package. A classic nameplate with American heritage with none of the “Harley-Davidson Purist” elitism, similar in size and power to his 920 Virago, but more reliable and more comfortable. Would include full riding gear. Riding a motorcycle is extremely good for his COPD and his mental state and this would still fit under the bus with the Austin-Healey. Est. $11,000

Fiancee:

1971 Plymouth Barracuda with the 440 Six-Pack shaker hood in Plum Crazy Purple. Full resto-mod. Est. $500,000.

1978 Datsun 620 pickup truck in classic 70's yellow with white and red retro stripes. Full resto-mod. Est. $40,000.

2009 Subaru Outback H6, blue with silver ‘slacks’. Full leather front passenger trim and upholstery for the adults and complete neoprene upholstery and trim for the back seats and cargo area for kid-proofing. Weatherproof carpeting and floor mats. Custom finger-print coded release on rear seatbelt for her youngest son who is autistic and has bested all other attempts at keeping him buckled up. Rear-facing headrest entertainment system. 2" body lift with adjustable suspension and tall-sidewall tires on black steelies, aluminum underbody protection, performance brake kit, Raptor supercharger kit, protective rubber trim on door edges, bumper, and rear bumper lip. Removable divider between rear cargo area and back seats. Rally-spec lightbar with amber and clear Hella lights on separate switches. STi DCCD programming and adjusments for AWD system. Chassis-welded tow-hitch attachment. Rear cargo nets and grocery hooks. Remote start. Smart climate-control system. Full aftermarket Android-powered head unit with Bluetooth and WiFi capabilities and uprated speakers and amp. Rear backup display and collision sensors. Euro-style blindspot mirrors for side mirrors and panoramic rearview cabin mirror. Low-profile panoramic sunroof front and rear with OLED-tint capabilities and wind guards. Custom-fit full slide-adjustable roof rack. OLED layer for windshield and windows to control tint, display HUD elements, and provide entertainment for passengers. Out-facing OLED layer for rear windshield to inform following vehicles of their transgressions via voice or gesture-activated voice-to-text dictation. Est. $100,000.

Yeah, she gets the ultimate wagon to end all wagons.

Estranged Sister:

2016 Dodge Caravan, fully loaded. With “Trump is King” decals already included.